One Friday in 2007, three dads agreed to meet at a Panera Bread^® bakery-cafe. As part of a very active homeschooling community in Hixson, Tennessee, these men felt deeply burdened by all of the pressures and challenges that they faced, and they wanted to do something about it. “I had noticed that our community offers a lot of groups where mothers can go for support,” says James Hindman. “But there really wasn’t anywhere that the fathers could go to develop friendships and mentorships.” When James mentioned this to some other dads, they agreed - and decided to create such a group themselves. Their home base? The bakery-cafe at the Northgate Mall.

Growing as a Group
Since then, many different fathers have come and gone from the table. “Everyone knows that there is a standing invitation to join us,” James says. Some mornings there are just two dads; others there are six. Always, there is plenty to discuss. “We don’t all have the same views, but we can talk about things and not wind up in fisticuffs,” James says.

Over the years, the group has entertained political candidates, discussed parenting challenges, and reported on the books and movies they’ve enjoyed. They also have prayed for each other’s families and bolstered each other during tough times, including cancer scares and job losses. Most important, says James, is that he has grown as a father and husband. “Every time we meet, I’m reminded of how much support I need to be giving my wife,” he says.

James is quick to add that the conversation isn’t serious all the time. “As men, we have a tendency to gravitate toward the shallow conversation topics - sports or TV,” he says, “and that’s okay. You need to go toward the lighter side sometimes, too.”

The Power of Conversation
Though homeschooling is the “glue” that bonds this Panera Bread dads’ group together, James says that he sees many different types of groups meeting at the same bakery-cafe for pastries and discussion. “At Panera, it’s okay to just sit and talk over coffee and breakfast,” he says. “No one has ever made us feel like we should leave.” He’s quick to add that their time slot - starting at 6:45 a.m. and running until 7:30 a.m. - helps. “In the morning, a lot of other people come in and grab what they want and leave,” he says. “So we’re not preventing people from finding a seat.”

For James, this gentlemen’s meeting is simply a return to the way things once were. “Hundreds of years ago, men from all walks of life would sit around in a pub discussing deep political and philosophical and religious ideas,” he says. “That’s what we’re doing; only we’re at a Panera, not a pub.”

James says that, for him, the weekly meetings also help keep him on track and focused on what’s really important in life. “Having that support makes a real difference in how I live my life the rest of the week,” he adds.

Publish Date: August 28, 2012